One Thousand Days of Wedded Bliss

By Katie, 5:55 am

Today I have officially been a married woman for 1,000 days!

For the record, I had no idea this was the case until Dave told me. He’s the one who did the math. ;-)

I’ve gotta say, the past 1,000 days have been pretty darn incredible. That’s not to say that Dave and I haven’t had our disagreements, because of course we have. But overall we’ve only grown closer and more in love.

Last night I asked Dave to help me compile a short list of things we’ve learned over the past 1,000 days that have helped keep our marriage strong. Here’s what we came up with.

6 Lessons from the First 1,000 Days

1. It’s not always worth it to be right.

When Dave and I disagree about something, we try to weigh the importance of the matter. If in the end it’s more important to Dave, then I don’t put up a big fight. Example: I didn’t think Dave watching soccer on the computer was worth $40, but he really wanted it. So we spent the money.

Likewise, if it’s more important to me, then Dave usually concedes. Example: Dave wasn’t in love with the comforter I wanted for our new place, but in the end bedroom decor isn’t too high on his priority list. (We got this one, by the way! LOVE IT!)

2. But sometimes it is.

Even though what I said above is true, it’s also true that I have a major stubborn streak. So sometimes I don’t give in just for the sake of not giving in. In those times, Dave has learned to look me straight in the eye and say, “Katie, I’m telling you this because I love you: you are wrong on this one.”  (Of course he says it very nicely!)

I always end up thanking him for forcing me to keep more of an open mind.

3. Being in the same room doesn’t count.

Our current apartment only has one “hang out” spot, so we spend many nights and weekends relaxing on the couch a mere five feet from one another. But just because we’re in such close proximity doesn’t mean we’re spending quality time together.

Carving out time where our focus is 100% on each other - no television, no computer, no cell phone – is so important to us.

4. Your struggles are my struggles.

Obviously, I’ve been totally open with Dave about my struggles with food/weight. Sometimes that’s made me feel like a burden to him, and yet he’s never once given me that impression. The way he describes it, we are 100% invested in each other. My struggles are his struggles and vice versa. 

5. Your checking account is my checking account.

I know some couples who keep separate checking accounts even after they’re married. And it seems to work for them. But for us, joint accounts are the way to go. I’ve heard that the number one issue married people fight about is money, which makes total sense. Dave and I both feel like we’ve been able to have genuinely productive conversations about our spending and our financial goals because our wallets are totally open books.

6. Clear the air.

I Hate (with a capital H) when issues get swept under the rug. That never makes a problem disappear; it only makes it fester and get worse. Plus then everyone ends up a thousand times more upset than they were at the beginning. So Dave and I do not do a lot of rug-sweeping; instead, we do a lot of air-clearing. So much better.

Here’s to a wonderful 1,000 days! Can’t wait to see what the next 1,000 have in store for us and our marriage!

What’s your #1 relationship tip?

46 Responses to “One Thousand Days of Wedded Bliss”

  1. I agree that these are all so true. And 3 and 4 stick out to me. Another thing that really works for us is to give each other space. We each were both very independent before we moved in together and then got married, and we both need our time by ourselves, doing things we enjoy. Spending a little time apart and not always being together is good for our relationship, it makes us closer when we are together.

    Congrats on 1000 days and best wishes for a million more!!

  2. Congratulations!!! Gee…I wonder how many days Tim and I have been married? Hmmm…going to estimate…about 5000 :-)

    My #1 tip is mutual respect, which encompasses so many other things, including sincerely appreciating each other and expressing it, communicating without playing games, and understanding that true love does not happen only on certain days (anniversaries, Valentine’s Day…and so on).

    I also agree with Lisa :-)

  3. Becca says:

    Congratulations! I love those tips. Point 3 is something we definitely need to work on.

    I think point 5 is so important. Doubters always seem to think that it’s about control or co-dependence, but that’s just not so. There have been times when I’ve been the main earner, and times when he has, but I think it’s so important for equality in a relationship to not have one partner doling out an allowance to the other. Everyone contributes to the household, whether it’s financially or in other ways.

    Karen’s tip is also 100% spot on. A breakdown of respect seems to be the number one starting cause of relationships becoming unsuccessful.

    • Katie says:

      “I think it’s so important for equality in a relationship to not have one partner doling out an allowance to the other.” AGREED! Well-said.

      • I agree, BUT… (I think I’m always playing devil’s advocate) allowances and separate pocket is a very good idea for many couples.

        The idea is that all income goes into and mutual expenses are paid out of the main account. Then each couple gets XX a week which they can spend, save, or a little of both. This lets you buy each other gifts without the other knowing EXACTLY how much you paid, which can lead to arguments and hurt feelings.

        They key is that one partner isn’t the one holding the purse string, but BOTH agree, XX per week is adequate pocket money for each – and they both get the same amount.

        When there is enough money for expenses, savings, and splurges, couples tend to get along well. It’s when one partner is saving, brown bagging lunches, etc., and the other is splurging here there and everywhere that fights tend to come up.

        P.S. Congratulations, Katie, I’m delighted your marriage is so happy.

        • Katie says:

          I definitely agree that it’s important to be on the same page about spending and saving!

  4. Cammy says:

    Congrats on 1000 days! That’s awesome. Great tips, too. I’m a little over a year and a half into my current relationship, so it might seem silly/premature to be offering any tips of my own…but one of our policies is the old “never go to bed angry” rule. We don’t tend to fight or bicker much anyway, but if we’re having a disagreement we never, never let a problem go unresolved overnight. That way we wake up the next morning and start over fresh, without starting the day with a cloud over our heads.

    We currently live 11 hours apart, so trust is the huge linchpin in making things work, obviously. I think that so many things are tied up in trust, like respect, honesty, accountability, appreciation, that we’ve actually become closer since we ended up in different cities.

    One thing we do when one of us is down is the “I have a memory” game. One of us thinks of a memory, like a special date or funny moment, and the other person has to ask yes/no questions until they figure out what it is. This sounds corny, and it may be, but it works AMAZINGLY well as a mood-booster and for reconnecting if we’ve had a tense day or something.

    Great post, as always!

    • Katie says:

      Thank you for this awesome comment, Cammy. We too use the “never go to bed angry” rule; I think that’s really, really important! And I absolutely adore that memory game! I’m going to pull it out the next time one of us needs a pick-me-up. Thank you for sharing! :)

    • Meg says:

      I LOVE this idea! I’m so glad you shared it. :)

  5. Mckella says:

    Keep a sense of humor no matter what. It’s easy for me to get bogged down with worry, but if I remember to laugh I can still be happy and things are still fun.

  6. Kelly says:

    Happy 1000th Day! That is cute!!

    I have learned that sex is important! Wait Wait hear me out. Sex is a way to connect at the most intimate physical level and it is important to keep that sexual spark alive. It doesn’t always have to be sweet and romantic…sometimes you need to have fun sex, other times you need sweet sex and sometimes you just straight up need to get laid! haha! I just think that so many times (espeically as you have been married longer and longer) it becomes easy to let sex fall to the wayside. I’m tired, I have to get up early to workout in the morning, I have a headache, I have body image issues, etc. etc. But at the end of the day connecting with the man you love in that way is priceless.

    • Katie says:

      Kelly! You’re back!!!

      I’m 100% with you on this comment. I’m actually planning to post about the importance of sex in the coming weeks! :)

  7. Awesome tips!! My big thing with my boyfriend is communication- if I’m upset about something, tell him! I also really liked seeing your wedding pictures, you look beautiful:)

  8. Nicole, RD says:

    Happy 1,000 days of marital bliss :) Now I’m wondering how long I’ve been married…we’re coming up on 2 years so somewhere between 700 and 750 ;)

    I think communication is important. That’s so generic, but so true!

  9. I TOTALLY agree with #3!

  10. This post is really sweet. It’s good that you don’t sugarcoat issues. I think it is more what couples are not saying to each other that causes problems.

  11. Lisa says:

    CONGRATS!! :D

    My tip: Fight fair. Don’t say something you’ll regret, no matter what. That means don’t bring up past hurts that were forgiven, no name calling, and trying to be productive when fighting not destructive.

  12. peacebeme says:

    Congrats! I love the yellow flowers at your wedding!

    My tips are to always approach life and challenges as a team, and also ‘argue if you will, but never fight’, which to me means don’t wound with words. Stick to the issue you are fighting about, don’t try to get digs in and be destructive. Also, to me lots of affection is important and I totally agree with not sweeping issues under the rug, get them resolved!

  13. AnnE says:

    Congrats Katie! I have been married for 21 years, and my advice would be to never give up. My hubby and I have been through some very difficult times, and have been to marriage counseling more than once. Never be afraid to reach out for help if you hit a rough spot. Our marriage is better than ever, and I am so happy that I didn’t throw in the towel years ago.

    • Katie says:

      That is so amazing! Congratulations! I like to think that because of our previous experiences (me getting counseling for my food/weight issues, Dave coming along occasionally as well) that we will be open to getting outside help if the situation calls for it. Great advice! :)

  14. Sarah says:

    That’s beautiful, Katie! Congratulations!

  15. Karen says:

    Happy 1000 Day Anniversary!! Hope you find a romantic way to celebrate!

  16. Congratulations, Katie and Dave! (And great job on the math, Dave.) I think what most resonates with me is the idea that being in the same room doesn’t count. Yes, this hits close to home, because we are a very wired house, and sometimes it’s hard to turn things off. Hope your next 1000 days are equally fantastic!

  17. Katie, congrats!!! I love how Dave knew about the 1,000 days. That’s really sweet. Speaking of which, you guys seem like such a sweet and all-around awesome couple! I loved reading your tips.

    And I’m very happy that you won the comforter argument because it’s so pretty! :)

  18. I love your views on stuff — how much deeper you look into yourself. It is so inspiring! :D

  19. Lindsey says:

    Love this post! Congrats on your 1000 days! My advice is to still go on dates with one another no matter how long you’ve been together. My husband and I can get into the same old daily routine. So we try to do a weekly date night, which sometimes is a random tuesday, where we just go out the 2 of us. Somehow the conversation seems better, we’re more engaged with one another, and it makes the week go by faster leaving us both quite happy :)

    • Katie says:

      That’s awesome! It’s so important to prioritize your relationship like that.

  20. Meg says:

    What a GREAT milestone! I’m inspired by Dave’s math skills. :)

    I have to say my #1 relationship tip is when you think you’re running out of patience, dig deep and gain some more. This goes both ways in our marriage since we both can be stubborn. Being patient and listening to your spouse instead of just getting defensive can make such a difference in improving communication and learning to talk about the feelings behind why you acted certain way.

  21. Alaina says:

    Congrats on the first 1,000 days!!

    For us, communication is definitely key. At the beginning of our relationship, I had a hard time confronting him with a problem because I never wanted to make him upset. But if I never brought it up, then it never got resolved and it became an even bigger problem. Now, we talk things out and clear the air. And I feel so much better now that we do that. :-)

  22. Teddi says:

    Congrats on 1,000 days. In a world where so few people find true and healthy (there’s that word again) love, it’s encouraging to see people who do figure it out. I’d love to hear your viewpoints on feminism and marriage. :-)

  23. Simply Life says:

    oh what a sweet post! I LOVE the pictures! Since we’ve been dating we’ve had a weekly date – it could be making dinner at home together, walking around a new neighborhood or going out for dessert – it’s so nice to know that as our lives and schedules change we ALWAYS have this time for each other with no other distractions…just getting ready for our date tonight! :)

  24. Bubu says:

    Congratulations! Looks like it was a very happy wedding… as I approach my 10th anniversary with my husband (going to Iceland, whoohoo!) and after two kids, two cars, more jobs than I can count, graduate schools, more apartments and moves than I can count, my #1 tip is: when there is a dispute, always assume the other person comes at it from a place of loving you – your spouse is not out to get you! If I keep that thought in mind, and try to approach my spouse from a place of genuine love and concern for his well-being, not just my own concerns and desires, it creates empathy all around, and that to me is just a much better starting place for resolving a problem between us.

    • Katie says:

      What wonderful advice. I am going to bring your comment to mind the next time Dave and I have a disagreement. Congrats on your upcoming 10th anniversary! :)

  25. bubu says:

    Had to share one more wedding thought – we asked my brother to read this poem at our wedding and lines of it (esp the last one) come back to me often as capturing how I view my marriage, and any good marriage:

    The Master Speed
    by Robert Frost

    No speed of wind or water rushing by
    But you have speed far greater. You can climb
    Back up a stream of radiance to the sky,
    And back through history up the stream of time.
    And you were given this swiftness, not for haste
    Nor chiefly that you may go where you will,
    But in the rush of everything to waste,
    That you may have the power of standing still-
    Off any still or moving thing you say.
    Two such as you with such a master speed
    Cannot be parted nor be swept away
    From one another once you are agreed
    That life is only life forevermore
    Together wing to wing and oar to oar

  26. Congratulations on 1,000 days of wedded bliss! On our wedding day my Great Aunt told me that the key to happiness in marriage is communication, and especially making eye contact. I guess that goes along with your “don’t sweep things under the rug” idea. I think eye contact is key because it shows mutual respect, and it makes the conversation much more personal.

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