Refusing to Ruminate
I have a very active thought life.
My brain is constantly “on,” if you will, in the sense that thoughts are usually racing through it a mile a minute. Most of the time my mind quickly bounces from topic to topic, and it’s not uncommon for Dave to ask me to slow down or back up because he has no idea how we’ve moved on to the next subject already when we never even finished discussing the last. 
But for as much bouncing as my brain does, I also have a serious problem with rumination. I get something stuck in my head – some worry, some self-criticism, some negativity – and I just dwell on it.
That is, unless I choose not to.
A few days ago I had a rough morning, and I found myself struggling to concentrate because my brain’s revolving door couldn’t get away from the thought that my pants felt a tad too tight. I found myself ruminating on my weight, “feeling fat,” and engaging in negative self-talk. 
(Source)
After a good 30 minutes of brooding, I decided to take action. Two years ago this wouldn’t have even occurred to me because I didn’t realize that I am not my thoughts, and my thoughts are not me. I didn’t realize that it was within my power to buckle down and control my mind, or at least control my response to it. I didn’t know – as Christie has so wisely pointed out – that I am not defined by the tapes that play in my head; rather, I am defined by my reaction to them.
So here is how I reacted.
Refusing to Ruminate: Three Steps
Step 1. Stepping Outside
For me, the first step in combating my tendency to dwell on negativity is not to try to squash the thoughts immediately; rather, it’s simply to observe them. I step back and watch my thoughts – becoming aware of them as merely a part of the present moment. And I allow the thoughts to steadily run through me instead of getting hung up on one in particular.
Some people do this by imagining their thoughts as clouds passing through the sky of their mind, or as boxes on a conveyor belt that’s constantly moving. The image that works best for me is that of a movie theater: I visualize my thoughts passing across the large screen, while I’m simply watching them from a seat in the fifth row. Perhaps this little exercise seems silly, but it really does help me detach myself from my thoughts; it allows me to observe rather than obsess.
2. Question What’s Beneath
My next step is to acknowledge that something else just might be going on with me. The example above was not the first time in my life that I thought my pants felt too tight, so why do some days I dwell on it while other days I let the thought pass without a worry? When I discussed the situation with Dave, he pointed out that I had had a rather stressful morning – little things just kept going wrong, like my oatmeal exploding, running late, leaving the house in a state of utter chaos and clutter. My anxiety level was already elevated, so it shouldn’t be surprising that my tense mind would latch onto the familiar landscape of “feeling fat.”
When I look back, I realize that most of my ruminations have served as a cover-up for something deeper. Stressing over what to wear to a party stemmed from the fact that I felt self-conscious in social situations. Freaking out over the state of my house arose from a place of perfectionism. And dwelling on the state of my body was a means of ignoring pretty much everything else.
3. Stop Entertaining
So I’ve observed my thoughts and I’ve acknowledged that they might be hiding something deeper. Now it’s time to make them go away. I use two strategies here. The first is another visualization technique: when a negative thought about my pants or my body popped up, I imagined it encased inside a balloon, which I then mentally popped with a needle. **Poof!** Gone! 
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The second is choosing a positive thought with which to replace the negative one. In this particular case I chose to focus on the phrase “God loves me no matter what.” So when a negative thought emerged, I put all of my energy into focusing on that phrase, and kept it there until there was simply no more space left to dwell on my body.
I should point out that these strategies didn’t stop the thoughts in an instant; rather, I had to employ them over and over and over again. But each time I did the thoughts grew a little less loud, a little less distracting, a little more tolerable…until they were gone.
Ruminating is certainly still an issue for me. If I’m not hyper-aware of my thought life, my mind can easily run away with itself, dragging me along with it. But when I dedicate myself to applying these three steps, I find that I am not controlled or defined by my thoughts. What happens in my brain is an ever-changing part of me, but that doesn’t mean that it is me.
Are you a ruminator like me or not? Do you tend to dwell on negative thoughts rather than combating them or allowing them to pass by? Any other suggestions for how NOT to dwell?
Themocracy
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I definitely tend to dwell on negative thoughts. Thanks for these tips on how to stop dwelling…I think DOING something is key for me– taking a walk, starting a project, etc.
I am definitely a ruminator. I wish I wasn’t, but to deal with it, I try to keep my mind occupied with other things. I’ll do yoga; I’ll take a run; I’ll go for walk. I find yoga to be especially helpful in these instances. It’s meditative and breath-centered focus is very therapeutic. When I breathe, I’ll try to breathe out all the negative energy and inhale positive energy instead. Just “leaving it all” on the mat helps me to get rid of my anxiety.
I truly think that we all ruminate at certain times in our lives. It’s honestly just about how we handle it that matters. You have such a strong and healthy prospective and these strategies you take to getting over your fears and anxiety are incredibly commendable. The key is finding what works best for you and keep at it every time you feel these thoughts come on. It gets easier each time.
I LOVE THIS!
It’s SO true that we really do have the ‘power’ to control our thoughts! So many people don’t thing this is true..but we need to start ‘thinking about’ what we are thinking about!
The negative thoughts (and oh I can so relate on the ‘too tight pant thoughts’) can overwhelm us to the point that we forget/neglect all the awesome things around us if we don’t choose to stop the negativity! That is ultimately precious time lost being happy and loving those around us!
How silly it is in the ‘grand scheme of things’ to worry about a few lbs instead of people, and the things in life that really matter!
Ah, Katie…you are so wise. I can’t wait to hear from you in about 20 years…I can’t even IMAGINE the wisdom you will have by then.
I am a fierce ruminator. I dwell on good, bad, everything. Sometimes I have to sit on somethind for a long time just to figure out how I even feel about it. In some ways, I like it because it means that I think and feel passionately about things, and it often helps me work out problems and make positive changes that I am proud of.
I wouldn’t change that, but I think you’re spot on about not letting it affect you negatively. It’s so important to be in touch with yourself, know why you’re ruminating and being able to work through telling yourself to stop it!!!
Awesome post Katie!
I definitely dwell on negative thoughts, especially when I feel like I’ve overindulged or eaten something “bad”. When this happens I just try to remind myself that I’m only harming myself by focusing on this negativity and then I find something more positive to distract me.
I totally get it. Before I used to try and silence those ‘tapes’ with food. And then, of course they would get louder until I would promise myself that I would ‘start over tomorrow’.
I had this last night actually. I felt ‘fat’ when going out to a party. I sat with it. ‘Why do you feel fat’? Well 1. there was a guy there and whenever you have a potential someone, you click back to the ex’s comments about your weight 2. You haven’t worked out this week 3. you’re tired
So, I just sat with those things. Dig deep and through them. So I painted my nails, had my friend do my hair and focused on meeting new people and not the boy. I went to the beach today, did some praying and went swimming.
We all have days like that..it just boils down to how much of the day we let the tapes play for…and how we press the stop button. Thanks for writing this.
Congrats on sitting through those feelings; that is no small feat! I try to do the same – sometimes successfully, sometimes not.
I am most definitely a ruminator. I just can’t stop some times. I used to be really bad while I was trying to fall asleep. This past year if I get to a point where I am constantly thinking and ruminating, I simply stop and in my mind I say, “goodnight.” It works about %85 percent of the time!
I think everyone has times when they latch onto one thing and replay it, letting it take over their entire thought processes.
One friend of mine back in freshman year of college was the perfect buffer for all my worries. I’d come into class panicky over something (take, for instance, a “C” I made on a test, which I thought meant I was stupid and going to lose my scholarships). After he asked me what was wrong and asked why I was so upset over it, he’d follow that up by asking me “and what’s the worst that can happen?”
That really made me stop and think that the things I was spazzing out over really weren’t anything to panic over in the first place. Even though I haven’t talked to him in ages, I still use that trick. So I gained a pound? What’s the worst that can happen? My jeans feel snug? And what’s the worst that can happen about that? Etc and so on.
That’s a great trick! You’re absolutely right; when I stop and think about what really is the worst that can happen, I’m reminded that in the grant scheme of things it’s nothing to worry about!
oh, i totally am…but i’m the same as you in that i have become aware of myself doing it, and that alone is the first step! i really like your idea to step outside, too…that always helps me!
i def dwell on thoughts on one day, but as soon as the next comes around, i’m good to go. it’s that day that is hard…but i do some of the exercises you talk of and it def helps. there is always something going on in the background that make my emotions crazy!
I’m not really a “ruminator,” but I am an “escapist.” I won’t dwell on feeling fat or weak or stupid per se, but when I’m down I’ll escape through food, or fantasy, or misdirected anger at someone/something else. If I’m feeling powerless, I numb that feeling by fuming over something mean a relative posted on Facebook. Or if I’m feeling insecure about my body, I’ll tap in to the Diet Rebel and reaffirm my autonomy with white bread and butter. Sometimes I just want to hide from the pressures of life by giving in to unrealistic Hollywood rom-coms featuring slim women with straight noses and wide blue eyes, which of course doesn’t help me in the long run because it sets me up for more mental put-downs later.
Great article, you write very well.
Very interesting post.
My thought were always acting freely. I cannot concentrate and control them. This was very bad in learning history but very good in resolving mathematics.
thankfully to many wonderful books and reading, i have learnt to talk myself down when i get so crazy when something doesnt fit right. i used to be such a downer.. anything set me off. negative girl 101.. but i really have seen the power of trying to figure out why i think the way i do and what i can do to change it around. i find that its the hardest just to look at the thoughts and figure out why im creating them! but when i find a way to turn them around (which i almost always find a way) then i feel happy again, truly.
my body LOVES to retain water in the summer. me and my mom always joke at how we go up a size in the summer, but when fall hits, we are swimming in our clothes.. well not swimming but uno what i mean haha. its really annoying tho sometimes. but i used to get so depressed cuz of it, but i try to remind myself that the increase in water weight is necessary and my muscles need to protect themselves to keep me healthy and strong.
have a gorgeous weekend love!
Great post! This is something God and I have been working on for quite a while. At the beginning of this year I felt like I had been “working” on it with God long enough. Once I really sat down and prayed about it, I realized I was not putting in consistent effort with doing what I knew I needed to do.
I ran my first 5K race this morning… something I was too scared to do in the past. I love to run, but not in a public setting.
Me and God have come a long way this year
I heard a song called The Cave by Mumford and Sons and I knew it was meant to be my theme song for my run this morning!! Great lyrics, you should check them out
I am done listening to my own voice or family voices, God’s voice is the one that counts, He made me after all, and he doesn’t do screw ups!!
So true!!!
Congrats on your 5K – that is so exciting! Way to conquer your fears.
And thanks for sharing that song. I just watched it on YouTube, and I really enjoyed some of the lyrics! I especially loved this line: “You can understand dependence when you know the maker’s hand.”
I want you to know that the majority of the time that I read your posts I’m saying “yes” out loud and nodding my head because I agree with your views so much.
I feel the same way about your posts!
Katie, you are an incredibly wise woman, and I have to say, one of the truly positive contributions to this blog world. Thank you for your amazingly helpful and practical advices!
Thank you so much! That means so much to me.
I dwell on every little thing to the point that I make myself nauseous and unable to sleep, even stupid little things. I feel blessed to have read this post, especially because I was supposed to record my worries this week and how they physically make me feel for therapy. I just read over it quickly, but I can’t wait to read it again and commit to memory/write it in my journal. Thanks Katie!
Like you, I used to spend a lot of time ruminating on feeling fat or obsessing over every bite taken or minute I didn’t exercise and equating those things to every imperfection on my body. (Ok maybe you didn’t say all that – I’m throwing it out there!) I have gotten a lot better at trying to squash those thoughts and just move on to the next (positive) thing. Not gonna say it never happens anymore though! It is so nice to hear from others who have made progress but still experience the struggle every now and then. Makes me feel more normal
I definitely ruminate on silly things when I’m stressed or angry about something deeper. I’ve also noticed I worry more about my body when I have a lot of free time – during undergrad I rarely worried about my body because I was always surrounded by loving friends and I was productive and busy with school, but now that I don’t have those things, I have a lot more negative thoughts. I can’t wait to start grad school!
I really like your tips, especially not attempting to completely ignore or cover up the thoughts, but recognizing and observing them. I think talking it out with someone is great too, like you did. Even if the other person doesn’t understand what you’re talking about, sometimes just saying the words out loud helps you see your thought processes from a different angle and figure out what’s really going on.
I totally agree that “feeling fat” is often a product of stress, anxiety etc. When I get that feeling I can usually look back at my day and see that it’s something deeper that’s really bothering me. Great post, Katie!
Thanks, Kristine! Realizing that the problem is stemming from a deeper place of stress always helps me too because then I can deal with the real issue, instead of focusing entirely on the negative thoughts that are covering it up.
Oh, I’m so glad you posted this. I have definitely been engaging in some negative self-talk and it hasn’t been pretty. I’ve recently gained some weight and I just feel gross. I was feeling pretty down about myself but then realized that there were other issues going on and my anxiety about them was being manifested in how I was treating/viewing myself. No more!
I am very similar – my mind goes a million miles a minute and I ruminate a lot. I am trying to work on this but it can be so tough sometimes.
I am definitely an overactive thinker. Sometimes, when I’m talking to someone, I’ll leave out important details because my brain is already way ahead! You know, every one has “feeling fat” days. I like your tip on think about what else could be going on. That made a lot of sense. When things are already rough, of course it’s likely to turn on your defenseless body! I think one thing that helps me is to find something to do to serve other people. If I spend less time dwelling on my own vanity and more on serving others, I definitely feel better about myself and forget about silly vanity.
I love this post. I have made a big effort to control my thoughts and not dwell on the negative ones. I have an 18 year old cousin that I spend a lot of time with, and I work with middle school and high school aged girls and talk to them constantly about positive thinking, no fat talk, etc. When I start thinking negatively about myself, I think “what would you tell the girls if they were thinking this way?” or “would you be comfortable letting them hear this inner dialogue you’ve got going on?”. It wakes me up and makes me practice what I preach and get those negative thoughts out of my head. That’s one big way that they help me just as much as I hope I help them
I am SUCH a ruminator.
But I really like your (much healthier) approach to negative self-talk. I’ve practice that a bit in the past, but I’m finding I could use a lot more practice!
[...] Refusing to Ruminate at Health for the Whole Self. Do you dwell on negative thoughts? Are you a big-time ruminator? [...]
[...] immediately rushed to my computer and pulled up my old blog post “Refusing to Ruminate.” It was one of those situations where I needed a dose of my own medicine. And soon enough, I forgot [...]
I don’t have as big an issue with this as my dh. He was really bullied as a child, and tends to get “stuck” thinking about the past.
I sent him the link to this article. It’s a good one.
Thanks, April! I hope he finds it helpful!