Re-Post: Squashing the Green-Eyed Monster
I’m still out of town and unable to blog, so I dipped into my archives and resurrected this post from February. I still find the message quite relevant, and I’m excited to read your thoughts on the subject!
A friend of mine shared with me recently that she received a promotion – complete with a raise – at work. While on the outside this currently-unemployed woman smiled and expressed how happy I was for her, on the inside I felt a twinge of the green-eyed monster.
(Source)
I admit it. I was jealous.
I hate feeling jealous. Envy is an uncomfortable emotion, one that leaves me feeling irritable and isolated in the very moment I should be feeling happiness and connection.
I used to feel jealous of others all the time (it went hand-in-hand with my bad habit of constantly comparing myself to others). Then I realized that my envy had absolutely nothing to do with the other person; it stemmed completely from my own insecurities. Deep down, the only reason I was jealous was because I saw myself in competition with other people, so their success made me feel somehow lessened or inadequate.
I couldn’t stop feeling envious until I gained greater confidence in myself – the kind of confidence that emerges from within rather than through comparisons to others.
While of course I still feel jealous sometimes (like when I heard about my friend’s promotion), now I try to combat that ugly feeling by cultivating sympathetic joy. Sympathetic joy is a feeling of true happiness for another’s good fortune. It removes the “me” from the equation and focuses entirely on sharing someone else’s delight.
Sometimes it’s easy to experience sympathetic joy, particularly when the other person’s good news does not pertain to one of your own desires. Other times it’s a lot more difficult: your best friend gets engaged when you’ve secretly been dying for your boyfriend to pop the question, your co-worker gets promoted to the position you desperately wanted, an acquaintance goes on your dream vacation (the one you currently cannot afford).
While those are the situations where sympathetic joy is most difficult to cultivate, they’re also the situations where it’s most important. Because who really wants to feel jealous, right?
The next time I feel that twinge of envy, I want to try my hardest to replace it with sympathetic joy by remembering that happiness is not a non-renewable resource. There is not a fixed amount of it in the world and when it’s gone, it’s gone. When we feel sympathetic joy for another’s good fortune, happiness only multiplies. And that is always a good thing!
Do you ever struggle with jealousy? What do you think about the idea of replacing jealousy with sympathetic joy?












































